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Mac
05-11-2011, 09:36 AM
So I fugured if I was drunk I should post in this htresd. First, I'm drunk second, I'm really drunk. My son just turned 16 and it's trippy. I mean Im 36 and I have a 16 year old kid who is almost as tall as me and pisses me off. He qualified for state in Missouri as a freshman, just missed as a sfmore and wants to quit wrestling. I want to scream at him what kind of mistake he is making (and have) but realize, hes gonna do waht hes gonna do. He's actually a reallyu good kid but I quit sports in highschool and to this day I r4gret it. I know Im drunk rambling but this stuff is all real and I don't know if I should push him to do something or let him decide for himself.

kickass32
05-11-2011, 09:45 AM
Well, it's tough....You know deep down they are making a mistake, but you can't really force them to do something they don't want....even if they do it their heart won't be in it 100%.
My advice, would be to sit them down, have a heart to heart, let them know of your regrets, and hopefully it all works out.
I had a similar situation with my daughter last year, and it ended up good, she gave it another shot, and she is sooooo happy she listened to us.
Good luck with it dude!
Can't really vote in the poll, cuz I think I am a combination of the 2.

likebutta
05-11-2011, 09:46 AM
I voted C. Needs more males in Ballet.


I keed. Honestly, this is how I look at it. Take another shot of whatever it is your drinking and ponder real hard on this.

Option A - You force your kid, in a sense, to stick with wrestling. Perhaps you see his potential but remember, it is -your- vision. He may thank you for it later but he can also possibly resent the fact that he was "forced" to take it up.

Option B - You support what he wants to do. He may or may not know what he truly wants yet at this stage of life but at least he can never come back and say "Gee, thanks for not helping me try and fulfill my dreams, dad". But, that's the dice you roll.


Honestly, it's not like he's dropping out of X year in med school or something. If he truly does not like wrestling, I would not force it. At the very least, you could talk with him and plead with him to stick out one more season and if he still feels the same way, you will support him in anything else he wants to do. But it still should be his choice - just plead your case.

Xtremo
05-11-2011, 09:51 AM
Ahh..it sounds like a tough decision and it is.

After living your life and you look back, you're like, I should have done this or have done that, but the truth is that when someone is living in the moment and has to decide on something he or she will be doing, its tough because you realize ALL the work that will be put in, all the sacrifices that will be made...

IF your son WANTS to be willing to make the sacrifice, tell him to give it a go because if he doesn't really want to, his wrestling results will show...

and remember, everyone is different and we all grow up with different minds and different views, and what I mean by this is that your son might like other things in life that will bring him joy...and I think that is the most important thing.

Mac
05-11-2011, 09:52 AM
Here's the only reason I'm reluctant to push.

At his age I was doing things that were way wrong and he doesn't. At the same time, I regeret not doing the things he'squiting and wish myself or someone else pushed me through.

Mac
05-11-2011, 09:54 AM
Ahh..it sounds like a tough decision and it is.

After living your life and you look back, you're like, I should have done this or have done that, but the truth is that when someone is living in the moment and has to decide on something he or she will be doing, its tough because you realize ALL the work that will be put in, all the sacrifices that will be made...

IF your son WANTS to be willing to make the sacrifice, tell him to give it a go because if he doesn't really want to, his wrestling results will show...

and remember, everyone is different and we all grow up with different minds and different views.

This sums up a lot of the war inside me. There's a part of me that knows he can be more than I was but to push him and force him, he wouldn't give 100% and what's the point?

TheDoucheyWun
05-11-2011, 09:56 AM
I said push it man...I never took wrestling in highschool and I regret teh fuck outta it now..I also quit Hockey and football and everything else at the beggining of highschool n regret it daily..U cant learn from theese mistakes cuz you'll never have a chance to go back to them...Push this kid well u still can...He'll thank you at the end of the day..may be 10 years from now but he will

PBJihad
05-11-2011, 10:02 AM
I'll throw my two cents in here. I wouldn't force him into wrestling. You may want to find out what exactly it is he plans to do instead. Let him know that doing nothing in place of wrestling is not an option and give him some alternatives (pick another sport, get a job, volunteer, etc.) My kid is only 10 right now, so I have a little time before I'm in your shoes. Good luck!

Kimbo> Rampage
05-11-2011, 10:06 AM
some things are too late to learn from to be productive. I know your not building your son into a fighter. But id have him finish it. A couple of hours a day during the week, keeps him away from getting into trouble, and can give him positive goals to improve upon.


Some of the greatest athletes of all time have been pushed by their parents. Nothing worse, then looking back on your life wishing you did more as a child.
Even somebody like RJJ, boxing was not his personal passion, he wanted to play basketball. But he father would make him box day and night and look how that turned out. Not that you would go down the abusive road, but you get the point.

Mac
05-11-2011, 10:13 AM
I said push it man...I never took wrestling in highschool and I regret teh fuck outta it now..I also quit Hockey and football and everything else at the beggining of highschool n regret it daily..U can learn from theese mistakes cuz you'll never have a chance to go back to them...Push this kid well u still can...He'll thank you at the end of the day..may be 10 years from now but he will

See, this is a thought in my head as well. I was made to try out for wrestling by my gym teacher/high school wrestling coach in 8th grade. I had never done it before but in practice rolled with our 4 time state qualifier who was 2 weight classes up from me. I more tha held my own but basketball and weed called to me and I didn't like the intinsity of practices. I wanted to go out there and let my natural ability carry me but they wouldn't let me and I undestand why.

Wish I could g bac and do it all over again. I wuldn't be fighting MMA guaranteed but I owuld be a different man.

TheDoucheyWun
05-11-2011, 10:18 AM
Wish I could g bac and do it all over again. I wuldn't be fighting MMA guaranteed but I owuld be a different man.

^^ Im only 22 n Daily i wish I could go back..things would be much much different.

Kimbo> Rampage
05-11-2011, 10:22 AM
^^ Im only 22 n Daily i wish I could go back..things would be much much different.

Ya same here. You can always learn some wrestling in mma gyms, but it isnt the same. They just teach you basic takedowns, tdd, etc but its hard to find a full wrestling program outside of schools or college.

Do it, so he wont regret it in the future and keep him from doing other things with his free time.

Ill make my kids into mma or nfl stars. Guaranteed.

Mac
05-11-2011, 10:38 AM
I've rep'd every comment in this thread so far. I'm pretty fucking wasted right now and know I could be much more entertaining but thanks for all the convo.

TheDoucheyWun
05-11-2011, 10:47 AM
Hey man we are happy to have random drunk Mac convos anytime..

But this seems to be one of the more serious ones and I doubt you'll wake up regretting it..hope our input helps you some how with the task at hand..

Mac
05-11-2011, 10:52 AM
I'll be interested to see where this goes tomorrow when I sm sober.

Sakara=Excitement
05-11-2011, 11:27 AM
You have to let him do his own thing. Just support him in whatever he chooses. If you push to hard, he may grow up resenting you.

kickass32
05-11-2011, 04:41 PM
Well, did you sober up Mac??? What do you think about it now?
It's a tough call, one I wish you well with!!
Good luck!

KevoOnTheRadio
05-11-2011, 04:53 PM
I quit wrestling half way through my Jr year and 9 years later wish I hadn't. Have a heart to heart, find out why he wants to stop. Wrestling is a lot of commitment for a 16 year old. He probably sees his friends partying it up and doing whip its and watching Jersey Shore, or whatever the fuck 16 year olds do. And he's thinking, I wanna do that with my friends, but I can't because I have to go run 3 miles. Then do homework. I bet if you pressed him for an honest answer, he's probably burnt out from practice and wants to spend more time with his boys.

Kemo
05-11-2011, 05:09 PM
I feel you, Mac. I'm 38 and my son just turned 16 on the third.

In my findings so far, guidance is all about your ability to "nudge" your kids, because pushing tends to make them push back. You have to choose your battles wisely and not only that, you have to pick the right time to make your argument.

A little apathy goes a long way in finding the right points to make. Find out why he wants to quit and then try to find a way to flip it or twist it. Is he having any fun with it at all? Are chicks digging it? College prospects? Travel? I don't know, really, just throwing ideas out there.

Every time I've ever forced my kids to do anything, including eating vegetables, they've never performed to near their potential.

Just my two cents, homes. Thought I'd sound off.
p.s.- Dig your sig.

dbader08
05-11-2011, 06:14 PM
Well I'm from Ste. Gen, Missouri which is only like 50 miles south of you if your in stl lol and I wrestled alot of AAU when I was a kid and did some local wrestling my 7th & 8th grade year so I was pretty decent by the time my freshman year rolled around. I started doing wrestling practices and did pretty good, was grinding guys out who were stronger than me or driving singles or going for a quick double on guys who were stronger but not quite as experienced. Then I just quit, just said fuck it. Looking back, I know I could have been a damn good wrestler, and could have made alot of good memories and helped discipline myself alot and kind of regret it honestly just like you said you do.

Honstly, though, maybe your son just isn't that interested in wrestling? It's not the most interesting sport, there isn't much to it. The other day I was talkin to one-a my friends about how badass it would be if there were boxing and BJJ classes in highschool.

The best you can really do is tell him personal stories or just tell him whatever you can to try and convince him to keep going. Can't blame a kid for not wanting to give up a huge chunk of his free time when he's already got school and possibly a job to worry about, especially if hes not really that interested in it and is just going to do it because he doesn't want to disappoint you.

Ramma
05-11-2011, 06:29 PM
I can't speak as a parent but I'd tell him to stick with it. It's going to help him in the long run. It will even help his academic future in the end because it'll get him into a better college possibly. Explain that to him.

I mean, its not like you are forcing him to make a living out of it, nor are you pushing him into tons of other activities. I'd get him to stick with it until college at the very least.

m1ckeykn0x
05-11-2011, 07:14 PM
I wish I had someone to push me when I was younger, whether I liked it or not. He wouldn't understand yet.

Mac
05-11-2011, 07:39 PM
I have sat him down and talked and asked what it is he doesn't like about it. He hates the new coach they got last year as do most of the team and he gets really moody during the season because of making weight. He thinks he has to starve himself to do so and won't listen when I try to help him with dieting. Part of the problem is the coaches don't really get involved in this aspect for some reason.

I have also explained to him if he continues he would at the very least get a scholarship to a local college. I try not to push too hard because he just shuts down and I don't want him resenting me.

It's frustrating but if being a parent didn't frustrate you the you aren't doing it right I guess. Thanks for all the suggestions.

Kimbo> Rampage
05-11-2011, 09:20 PM
I'm pretty fucking wasted right now and know I could be much more entertaining but thanks for all the convo.

Half the post on this forum are drunken rants, u remind me of that bitch that walks around the bar telling everybody how drunk she is...:grinsmile1:

Your son doesnt see you drunk all the time?


I wish I had someone to push me when I was younger, whether I liked it or not. He wouldn't understand yet.

Yes. I would give anything to have been pushed when i was younger.

mma #1 fan
05-11-2011, 09:38 PM
So I fugured if I was drunk I should post in this htresd. First, I'm drunk second, I'm really drunk. My son just turned 16 and it's trippy. I mean Im 36 and I have a 16 year old kid who is almost as tall as me and pisses me off. He qualified for state in Missouri as a freshman, just missed as a sfmore and wants to quit wrestling. I want to scream at him what kind of mistake he is making (and have) but realize, hes gonna do waht hes gonna do. He's actually a reallyu good kid but I quit sports in highschool and to this day I r4gret it. I know Im drunk rambling but this stuff is all real and I don't know if I should push him to do something or let him decide for himself.

All people lean more from a mistake made . I wanted nothing more than for my son to try out for the wrestling team . My kids have proved to me that if its something they want to do they will put their all into it . If TRY and make them do something they dont want i get half ass job's .

Mac
05-11-2011, 09:49 PM
Your son doesnt see you drunk all the time?


Seeing as he spends part of his time with me and the other with his mom, no, he doesn't. Firstly, I'm not drunk all of the time and secondly I don't drink when he's around.

Kimbo> Rampage
05-11-2011, 09:56 PM
Seeing as he spends part of his time with me and the other with his mom, no, he doesn't. Firstly, I'm not drunk all of the time and secondly I don't drink when he's around.

haha was just kidding. Id bet that most of these posts by everybody on here are drunken posts, but you can still have a good discussion.

singinkangaroooo
05-11-2011, 10:06 PM
here is my opinion.. hes 16 so he is still a kid and doesnt have a fully developed brain... coming from some1 who wanted to quit wrestling every day but still never did because i felt i would let my team down... but god am i glad i never quit.. quitting only leaves room for what if.. i was say push dont force...

i mean shit he is a 2x state qual he has some skill idk why he would want to quit other then he is lazy.. and that is the wrong reason to quit... now if it is something big then thats another story but as far as im concerned hes a kid youre the adult you know better and just try and convince him to stick with it

TheKidInside
05-12-2011, 12:49 AM
my two cents from my experience. my dad actually kept my artistic side supressed throughout my teens (not exactly supress but always made sure I focus on school/studying and athletics more than art/film/etc). now, I always felt a little resentment towards my pops because of this BUT in the long run I am glad he pushed me towards athletics. It changed my life (after 11th grade I put on almost 60 pounds and then got into fitness/nutrition/wellness because of it) and then when I got into BJJ my wrestling carried over...

it depends on his personality, also. I wasn't kicking and screaming to go to clay sculpting classes instead of wrestling meets, if your kid would totally rather do something else to the point that he's depressed/sad etc then obviously just accomodate him....i am taking my (hopefully) last psych class right now, developmental and it's interesting because, normally I don't buy into psych, but the stages are pretty solid and teens don't think their parents understand them nor do they ACTIVELY listen to parents. I think you should sit him down and explain your experience and WHY it's important to stick with athletics!

Tyreas
05-12-2011, 01:11 AM
At his age he is going to resist anything beyond a casual conversation if it's something he doesn't want to do anymore. It's tough because they think they are right and the reality is they are sacrificing long term prospects for short term comforts. That doesn't mean he is making the wrong choice though. It's what he chooses to do with his newly found time that determines that.

I have found that mentioning past experiences might not yield immediate results but they do eventually influence decision making. They might not react to your story but they certainly hear it and weigh its significance to their situation. Keep bringing up the subject every now and again to keep him thinking about it and eventually he'll make the right decision.

And if that doesn't work bribe the fuck out of him.

Mac
05-12-2011, 01:32 AM
Part of the problem is that when all of this first came up my ex-wife was all about him quitting and when I tried to talk to him she used the fact that I quit sports in highschool as the reason that he should/could as well.

I had the rational conversation and expressed that he has an opportunity to learn from my mistakes instead of repeating them but since his mom put it in his head the way she did when we talk about it he takes the stance that since I quit I don't have the right to expect him to do what I didn't.

The other problem is my wife, she hated what wrestling did to him, the not eating and mood swings and she doesn't like it. I understand where she's coming from but doing things that are difficult help build character.

In the end I'm not going to force him. This is probably as much about getting my feelings off of my chest as it is about how to approach getting him to listen to reason.

TheKidInside
05-12-2011, 02:19 AM
just tell him to do jiu jitsu instead :P oh and not to smoke weed with the jiu jitsu guys :P (trying to lighten up the mood)