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[JTS]

From: http://www.insidefighting.com/betwee....aspx?uid=4066

Know thyself: A conversation with TUF6's John "War Machine" Koppenhaver - 11/10/2007
by Elias Cepeda

For a while, it must have seemed to John “War Machine” Koppenhaver like he might never make it to the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC). Koppenhaver says he had been selected for the very first season of The Ultimate Fighter (TUF), only to be removed ten days before filming began because he hadn’t initially disclosed to the UFC that he was on probation.

Then Koppenhaver got word that season six of the series would feature welterweights and the opportunity seemed tailor made for him this time around. Koppenhaver was put on the fast track to making the show initially and thought he was a “shoo in” but ultimately was selected only as an alternate.

That’s the Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) equivalent of being waitlisted by an ivy league school and Koppenhaver was plenty disappointed when it appeared he would again miss out on being a part of the show. But his fortunes changed for the better as one of the fighters on the show, Roman Mitichyan, got injured early on during filming and Koppenhaver got the call to fill in on Team Serra.

Koppenhaver, who lives in San Diego, California where he trains and teaches with world class Brazilian Jiu Jitsu competitor Barret Yoshida at the Undisputed Gym, was justifiably excited when he got the unexpected call. “I was really excited. Everybody wants to fight in UFC and when you’re time comes it’s great. It was a great opportunity for exposure,” says Koppenhaver.

Koppenhaver was prepared for the hard training and competition of the show but soon realized that there were other, more daunting challenges to face during filming. “The hardest part for me was the damn house. I’ll fight anybody…but just the mental games put on you there is something else. I couldn’t sleep at night,” recounts Koppenhaver.

There was also the issue of the utter silence of living as a TUF 6 cast member (without sanity maintaining elements like television, radio, music or reading material allowed in the house) and the resulting time it gave Koppenhaver for self reflection. As viewers witnessed during this past week’s episode eight, Koppenhaver struggled with issues of anxiety and to reconcile his past and identity with his image as a fighter.

Things he had never had the time to think about before suddenly rushed to the forefront of the fighter’s mind and added to his pressures. “Oh yeah, I never had time enough let my brain wander enough,” he says.

“In normal life you don’t have time to think about stupid shit. During filming we did train four hours a day but big deal, there were twenty more. With no TV, radio, books, the mind has time to wander off. You really get to know yourself. You start getting sad about certain things.

“I have always gotten nervous before every fight I‘ve had and I would never know why. I’m not afraid to get hit or hurt. On the show I thought about it and I realized that in high school everyone liked me because I was the tough guy. The guys were afraid of me and the chicks liked me because I was the cute guy or whatever. There were always certain reasons why people liked me and I started to wonder if anyone liked me because of me. I got sad thinking about that and realized maybe that’s why I’m so nervous all the time. If I lose my image as a fighter and was just a normal guy, would nobody like me? That was really what made me upset during the show. They made it seem like it was all about my father dying but that was just a small part of it,” explains Koppenhaver.

Like Joe Scarola, Koppenhaver admits he considered leaving the show because of the stress. Unlike Scarola, however, Koppenhaver toughed it out and even says that Joey’s leaving helped his own ability to cope.

“I definitely in the back of my mind considered it [leaving] but I would never do it because of pride and stuff. I liked Joey a lot but I was glad he left because he was really making me think of it even more. I had someone to be miserable with and reinforce the negative thoughts. Once he left it was a little easier,” he says.

Throughout all this emotion, Koppenhaver also had a fight on his hands against Tommy Speer. Though he started off fast with a head splitting right hand, followed by a takedown and a very near rear naked choke finish, Koppenhaver eventually lost a tough decision to Speer. Looking back on the fight, Koppenhaver says he still feels bad about the result.

“It made me sick to stomach. I looked like shit the whole the second half of the first round and the whole second round. There were just a bunch of little mistakes but that adds up to me losing. Tommy should not have been able to beat me, I have more tools. He’s a tough bastard, I’ll give him that. But I made mistakes,” says Koppenhaver.

Koppenhaver says he’s already begun to learn and improve since returning home from the show. “Yeah definitely. As a matter of a fact, Barret Yoshida is known for taking the back and finishing with chokes. If I could transform that day to right now he would have slept. It’s frustrating. But at the same time, if that wouldn’t have happened I would not have come back and stressed so much on getting better at finishing from the back. I’ll get my chance again next time,” Koppenhaver resolves.

Overall, Koppenhaver says he’s glad to have gone through the experience of being a TUF member. More than even perhaps the physical and training components he took from his time on the show, those same quiet hours of anxious and insecure thought that tortured him helped Koppenhaver learn enough about himself to help himself.

“It did force me to make certain decisions in my life. I’m a miserable fuck for real, and have been for years and years. I used to make jokes about it but I realized it’s not funny. After the show I actually made the decision to see a psychiatrist and was recommended some medicine for that I’ve been taking the last couple months. It’s something I would have never done if it had not been for the show. It was hell mentally. But the medicine has been paying off…there are no negative effects at all. I don’t feel anything different day to day but when I stop, pause and think dude, I’m a lot less miserable even in my fighting anxiety,” says Koppenhaver.

Unfortunately many men and fighters suffer from conditions that they needn’t, if only they got help and worked on the issues like Koppenhaver is doing. In confronting himself outside of the ring Koppenhaver is displaying uncommon courage. And if the words of Sun Tzu in The Art of War are correct, he’s also likely making himself into a better “War Machine” inside of it.

If you know your enemies and know yourself you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles.

Seems like he's getting his life together. I can't help cheering for the guy. Hope he gets another fight to show his skills.

[Jza]

Thanks for posting this man, regardless of what you may think of him from what you seen on the show I think he comes across well in this interview.
Maybe could have said better things about Speer but accepted the loss and knows what he has to do next time to win so well done for that.

[Paytheplayer]

Good post. I was actually anticipating the War Machine fight for the whole season, and I expected more from him. But as soon as the episode started you could see where it was headed. As soon as he was doubting himself in the house I knew he didnt stand a chance. He's a young dude though, hopefully he comes back stronger.

[Judge2k3]

Good read... depression/self doubt is a bitch

I feel the exact same way as him (except I'm an engineer... not a fighter) and have taken a similar approach to fixing my life after a couple of life changing incidents

Especially in those circumstances... when you're depressed, the absolute last thing you want to do is spend time in your head, that is the most God aweful place to be

Cheers to him, hope to see him do well in the finale

[kokaine]

im an engineer aswell AHAH ... man I recently just came off some anxiety issues ... i didn't like the way things were going as I was going through university (sophomere) ... puttin extra pressure on myself that wasn't really needed.... but now ive gotten back to my oldself and im loving it ...

[Rufio]

I'm a fan. I can relate to some of what he's been through. I never saw him as just being a whiner like Gabe or Wang.