Celebrity-gossip website TMZ has obtained a copy of the suicide note written by former MMA fighter Jon “War Machine” Koppenhaver, a letter that was written just prior to the former Ultimate Fighter cast member attempting to commit suicide while in jail.
NOTE: This is not the same letter that we posted yesterday, which was merely a letter that Koppenhaver wrote to a friend from jail prior to his reported suicide attempt.
Below is a transcript of what War Machine wrote in the suicide letter, which you can view in his own hand-writing here.
“To die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.”
If you are reading this then it must be a rap, I refuse to live a parasitic life, relying on taxes and the generosity of friends for food and shelter, while never being able to give back. I always used to say “You gotta know when the gig is up.” I had a good run. I experienced more in my short life than 5 avg. men combined.
To: Christy, my one:
I truly love you and planned on being with you forever. I know that I had many flaws and that I wasn’t the best BF at times. When I left you in May it didn’t take me long to realize my mistake. I loved you more than freedom.
When we re-united I was 100% dedicated, I know you felt it. I guess it was too little, too late though because something seemed different about you. It drove me crazy, but I knew that you still loved me because you kept telling me to get you the ring. Looking back on it, I guess you wanted security before you “put all of your eggs in one basket” again.
That night I was so excited to see you. Finding what I found that night was devastating to me. More than you will ever know. Not just the unfaithfulness, but the way U cared for him and protected him. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish that you weren’t hurt that night, I hope you know that.
If I could do it all over again I’d just have laid down and let him beat me up. Maybe you still loved me enough to stop him and make him leave. Maybe I could have just laid on our bed and cried and you’d have held me.
Maybe you still loved me enough to end that fling and re-commit to me… I’ll never know. I forgive you, please forgive me, I love you. In hard times know that I am there to lean on.
I love you brother, long live the circle. Keep alpha male shit alive.
You were a wonderful wife and stronger than you know. I was always proud of you, Szeretlek.
Michael, Shannah, Melissa: I love you all so much, sorry I wasn’t a better brother. Don’t let the Koppenhaver name die Mike, It’s all you.
You were the best grandfather a guy could ask for, I love you. Sorry to let you down.
Nyba, R1, Kendall, 9mm, Wade, Doodoo, Julio, Heather, Trae, JD, Baret, Herman, Pav, Duza, Vitelli, Sua, Matt, D, J.R., Daniel, Fritz:
My great friends, oh how I love you all, may my strength be with you.
Thank you for your love and support, it meant the world to me. I hope you find your Tristan. I will watch over you.
Oh man, writing all of this has me crying like a lil’ bitch! I still don’t understand how I got into this mess, I don’t know why this had to happen. My life was going so well.
I know that I made mistakes in the past but I had corrected that and was living life correctly. It is one thing to catch a case when you set out to commit a crime, but catching a case when you have nothing but good intentions in your heart is just so hard to accept. The severity of the charges makes it that much worse.
They wanna charge me with battery and DV? Fine, do it, but don’t railroad me with B.S. fantasy charges like: rape! Attempted murder! Kidnapping! And burglary! It’s fucking ridiculous. And it’s making it impossible for justice.
I’m a good person with a huge heart and everyone who knows me knows that, especially Christy. I don’t know what has happened to her but I’m not gonna watch the woman I love go on the stand and tell painful lies about me. I don’t know if her scumbag agent is making her do this for $/publicity, or if the D.A. is just pressuring her/scaring her, or what. Anyway, thank you to all who have supported me over the years.
I appreciate you all, sorry if I’ve let you down. I hope you choose to remember me for my times of strength and not for this. Society has killed men. I was never meant to live in this era anyway. Follow your dreams and think for yourselves.
“Verily, often laugh at the weaklings who think themselves good because they have no claws”
For those who haven’t been following the story, you can click here to read all of the War Machine-related stories that have unfolded over the past few months.